omg two posts today

Okay, so I'm a little bit bored already at work and while I initially thought that I wasn't going to do one of these things, I've since broken down.

Here are 25 things you may not know about me.

1. I consider learning how to cup my hands and make a birdcall sound at Boy Scout camp one of the major accomplishments of my life.
2. I can juggle, a little bit.
3. I went to my first Major League Baseball game when I was 10, in 1991. It was at Memorial Stadium in Baltimore, and I remember absolutely nothing about it. Seriously. The only recollection I have is a mental picture of a run-down Baltimore neighborhood that my dad had to drive through to get there.
4. I know I definitely went to that game because it was free Memorial Stadium duffel bag night, sponsored by Texaco System3. I had that bag and used it to haul my music accessories around until it was stolen last year. Pretty amazing that a shitty free plastic duffel bag lasted me 17 years when I can't make a pair of jeans get through 8 months.
5. I secretly like chai tea, but never order it because I'm afraid of looking like a fag.
6. The names of the bands that I have been a part of in my life: Steve Never Came, Melting Pott, Ice Age Children, the Parking Meters, the Reliants, the Bagshots, the Safeword Club, Brougham Jack (lol), and Poly/Western.
7. The first band name I ever came up with: Concrete Rain. I thought that was the coolest name in the world. I don't anymore.
8. The city that I would most like to live in: Charlottesville, VA. In my mind, the weather is always perfect there, everyone is nice, and it is the perfect blend of big and small city feel. In reality, its probably not, but don't shit on my dream.
9. I love baseball, baseball statistics, and read about baseball history on a daily basis, but I have never been to the Hall of Fame, I don't know what position Micky Lolich played, and I regularly get bored watching baseball games on TV.
10. I like sushi, but I really just like it because soy sauce is involved. I could do without the raw fish.
11. I regularly avoid small deli's and lunch places because I hate looking like an idiot trying to figure out their individual ordering systems.
12. I abhor the concept of mass capitalism and the mega-corporation but I love Starbucks and Target, and I buy cheap Chinese-made goods all the time.
13. I spent five years studying music and history in college, but I have forgotten nearly everything that I learned there.
14. I enjoy playing ambient, dissonant, and 'experimental' music because its fucking easy and you can't make mistakes.
15. The thought of having a huge house with modern conveniences and a really expensive sports car in the suburbs is appealing to me, as much as I wish it wasn't.
16. The most embarrassing moment of my life occurred when I was probably 7 or 8 and I went to a friend's house to play video games. I had to go to the bathroom (number 2) and I used their bathroom that for some reason you had to go through to get to the basement. While I was in the act, my friend's mom came up the stairs from the basement and opened the door to the bathroom. The details are a bit hazy, but I distinctly remember her yelling at me and telling me that I shouldn't be doing that there. I immediately ran the entire way home and never went back over to his house.
17. I love the smell of a lit and burning cigarette but abhor the smell of musty and old smoke.
18. Every time I smell one of those "New Car Smell" pine tree air fresheners it reminds me of the time this crackhead I used to hang out with took my car and got it washed and detailed for me.
19. I have trouble remembering events from my childhood, as well as the details of recent events, and I am very scared that as an older person I won't be able to tell any good stories like old people should.
20. I used to think that I was a pretty normal and 'cool' kid, but I recently looked at an old photograph album of myself with my girlfriend and I realized for the first time that I was a complete and absolute nerd, from head to toe.
21. I work for an A/V company, studied music and audio recording in school, and understand the physics behind sound reproduction systems, but the fact that a speaker can make all that music sound real when it is just a cone that vibrates back and forth completely baffles me.
22. Strong wind irritates me more than pretty much anything in this world.
23. I love to write, and I've been told I'm a good writer, but many times when I'm writing a blog I find myself getting too bored to finish the whole thing and will just stop short. See the blog entry below this one for a perfect example.
24. I don't understand the concept of 'perfect legs' and/or 'perfect ass' when it comes to women. I have never looked at a woman and said, 'Oh my god, look at her legs/ass'. I don't know what good legs or asses look like. I know what bad asses look like, but thats about it.
25. For the first time in my life, I am pretty satisfied with who I am, what I'm doing, and where I'm going.

Back in the Saddle

Mileage: 932
Time: No idea

Yeah, that's right - you read that correctly. The scooter is back! Today I optimistically rolled out my scooter and rode it to work for the first time in about four months. I say optimistically because it is supposed to rain today and it was probably about 49 degrees out this morning - not optimal riding conditions, but I was too excited to not take it out today.

And I suppose now is the time to let all of my adoring fans know that I have moved and am no longer taking my old route from downtown Baltimore north to Hampden. I'm now up with the yuppies and college kids in Belvedere/Govans/Rosebank/Towson South/whateveryouwanttocallit Northeast Baltimore. I love the new place and I love the location, but I have to say I am so far extremely disappointed with the commute. Let me give you a point of reference:


View Larger Map

I can hear all of you saying, "Wow, that sure does look like a nice easy commute. You must be so pleased to take such a pleasurable and pleasing route to and from work each day. How pleasant!"

Well, I can tell you that the route above is the result of a damn-near scientific period of trial and error over the last two weeks. And it is perfect. It is the best possible permutation of possible routes from my house through the hoity-toity neighborhoods to work. So yeah, its fairly pleasurable.

But the first few times I went were not. If you look at the map, the simplest and most direct route would be to take Northern Parkway west to Roland Ave., and then shoot South to Hampden. But all is not as it seems...Northern Parkway is a sonovabitch. Especially in the morning. Especially at 7:45 in the morning, which is when I go to work. There are four or five schools in that general vicinity, and they all hold up traffic and have weird special lights and generally make the trip absolute hell. I tried this way first, and it took me a half hour to get to work, which is twice as long as it used to take me to get to work from downtown. I was not a happy camper.

To make a long and boring story short, I tried every other conceiveable way between the two locations and settled on this one...its not perfect, I'm sure, but its close, and it doesn't leave me wanting to rip the heads off of small animals when I'm done. Or maybe I just got lucky today and there wasn't much traffic. I'll let you know.

Chips.

I like potato chips. A lot. I always have. I like the taste, their portability, their wide availability and low price, and the sensation of eating a crunchy chip. Its a good time all-around. But what I really like about chips the most is.......the seasoning on the chip.

Don't get me wrong, I like the flavor of fried potatos, but it is the crazy crap that they put on top that makes it for me. Sure, I'll eat a couple plain potato chips, but those rare occasions are typically reserved for backyard barbeques, parties, or church functions - anywhere where there's the ubiquitous bowl of chips next to the bowl of pretzels and jug of lemonade. But I would never just buy a bag of plain potato chips at the store to eat at home...I mean - look at all the options out there:

What proper American could look at all of those options and conclude, "You know what, I'm going to go with Lay's original (non-ruffled)"? If, and this is a big if, you were to simultaneously purchase one of those little sour cream and onion or nacho cheese chip dip cans to eat with your plain potato chips, I might let it slide, but those little things are expensive.

And unnecessary in this day and age. Chip manufacturers have realized that people my age buy a lot of chips, and we like the craziest damn flavors you can get. I mean, have you ever been to the Doritos website? How cool is that?

Taco and Ranch dressing?Why the hell not?

Bloody Mary?
No trans fat! Healthy!

I bet they would never make General Tso's flavor chips, he said haughtily.


BAM

These things are great...I've had all three of these chips, and they do not disappoint. Manufacturers seem to be latching on to the whole 'kettle cook'd' theme pioneered (at least in my mind) by Utz under the 'Grandma Utz' label. I happen to think this is a great development as I prefer my chips to be as thick and over-cooked as possible. Make 'em a half-inch thick and halfway burnt with the skin still on it, I say. And make them all like the ones at the bottom of the bag that have way too much seasoning on them. I'm not alone, right?

I do have to warn you about one recent new product now on the market - not really a chip, but the same concept...

The flavored pretzel chip. These guys caught my eye and piqued my interest, as I love the Snyders of Hanover's flavored pretzel pieces, but I would like them in a more manageable form. Don't be lured in by their Siren song. These things are horrible. The pretzel chip part is fine, but the flavoring literally tastes like gym socks or mildew or something else that's rotten. I mean disgusting. And thanks to the excessive amounts of seasoning they put on them, that lovely aftertaste stays with you all night long.

So chip wisely, my friends.

Prom, Part Deux

So tonight, I'm going back to prom. This will actually make my third trip (but I don't know what comes after Deux, so I had to lie in my title line. Trois? Is that it? Is that French?) to prom in my life. My friend Alex and his fiancee are having a prom-themed birthday tonight and, as such, I now have a chance to relive the glory days of high school all over again.

wait

No, high school pretty much sucked. And come to think of it, so did the two proms that I attended. Well, actually not the second one. I got to go with my girlfriend at the time, wear an ultra-cool white tux, and ride in a classic Rolls-Royce limo. So that was fun. But the first one was not as great. I can't remember where the hell we ate, I went with a girl who was very nice but not a great friend of mine, or even someone I hung out with, and to be honest I don't remember much other than that it was somewhere in Chambersburg.

Anyway, I'll try to make a better go at it this time. Pictures forthcoming. Honestly, I just like the fact that I have an excuse to wear a tux and go out to eat.

High School Coaches are Asses

In case you haven't seen this, apparently a High School women's basketball coach in Texas has been fired for allowing his team to beat a school of "handicapped" girls 100-0.

I have very mixed feelings about this...first of all, and lets get this out of the way: the school is not for "handicapped" girls, at least not in the physical sense. And really not in the psychological sense, either. It has garnered a reputation for being especially good at helping kids with learning disabilities, such as ADD or dyslexia. So any story that you read that tries to heap on the sympathy for these girls is, in my opinion, a load of shit. It is true that the team is winless this season, and has been for the last four seasons, but you can't blame only being able to take seven shots in an entire game on a reading disorder. Shit, Jim Abbott only had one arm and he pitched a no-hitter.

But all that aside, it is still a pretty fucked up case. My high school in Pennsylvania was just large enough to force us to play in a division that included larger schools from Harrisburg, York, Gettysburg, etc...teams that were much, much, much, much, much, much, much better than us. I think our football team won 3 games the entirety of my high school career. I played soccer, and we would routinely get beat 8 or 9 to 0. But I rarely felt as though the other team was running up the score. Sure, they would get excited that they were playing shitty little Waynesboro Area Senior High and would score a pantload in the first half, but then the coach would settle them down, put in their shitty players, and then they would continue scoring at a much reduced rate. We sucked, but we realized it was our own fault - not theirs for having a bit of fun at our expense.

But 100-0?

How do you play four quarters of basketball and not allow the other team to score one point, while you are scoring a ton (especially for women's basketball), and not realize that you may be putting the pressure on a bit too hard? I mean, when I used to play my little brother when I was in shape and he was still like 10 or something, he would still score a point or two to my 21. You really have to be putting the pressure on to have the other team not be able to put up one point in four quarters.

So, when I read that the fired coach is completely unapologetic, and claims that his girls were playing within the spirit of the game, I have to respectfully disagree. Most high school coaches were players themselves at one point...and a great majority of them were failed players at some point. Otherwise, they probably wouldn't be coaching at a girl's school in the middle of Texas. I understand that most of them take their coaching responsibilities a bit too seriously. But it takes a special kind of ass-hat to not think that putting that hard of a beating on another team is within the "spirit of the game".

I dunno. Women's basketball sucks anyway.

A-Broad

While the northeast remains locked in an icy kung-fu death grip, this blogger soldiers humbly on, giving you narrow and one-sided opinions about two-day old stories that really no one should care about: Joe Torre basically called A-Rod out on everything everyone pretty much assumed about him anyway.

Which really doesn't make it any less hilarious. You have to love it when something comes to light from a credible source that basically confirms all of your suspicions about someone. So Alex Rodriguez had an uncontrollable obsession with Derek Jeter. So he tried to act like he was the shit to get everyone to like him. So no one liked him because of it. So his teammates and manager thought he was a pretty boy. Should we really hold that against him, or mock him incessantly without being there or truly understanding his point of view?

Absolutely.

/holds it against him
/mocks him incessantly

8-o!

So I'm obviously pumped about the Orioles locking up our premier player, Nick Markakis, to a six-year contract with a no-trade clause that will keep him off the damn free agent market for three years after he's eligible. And he seems happy about it - he actually made the claim that he can't wait to settle down here and that the "direction of the organization" was a key factor in his decision.

Awesome.

And then I saw the picture of Nicky at the press conference:


How awesome is that? He looks like a smart Jewish guy from a 70's drug movie, or like he could be one of the Greek's men from Season 2 of the Wire. Gotta love having the balls to rock that look for the biggest moment of his career so far.

Gow Ows!