Bradford-1000

Seeing Chad Bradford warming up during the 6th inning of tonight's game reminds me of the time that my friend Lea (not the biggest baseball fan in the world), upon seeing Bradford when he pitched for the Orioles, asked me,

Lea: "Is that legal?"
Me: /looks up from nerdy baseball scoresheet, pushes glasses up nose
"Is what legal?"
Lea: "That pitcher - is the pitch allowed to hit the ground before it gets to the batter?"
Me: "Um, yeah, but it would be a ball."
Lea: "Right, but that last pitch was a strike."
Me: "Yeah, but it didn't hit the ground."
Lea: "Yes it did - that pitcher bounced his pitch off of the mound and somehow aimed it at the strike zone. I didn't think that was legal."
Me: "yeah baseball is weird..."
/returns to scoring game without explaining that Bradford-1000 is an extreme submarine pitcher whose pitching arm almost scrapes the mound, creating the illusion, to those who have never seen such a thing, that he is bouncing the baseball off of the pitching mound
Lea: ermahgawd i need sum boogs bbq

We Have Been Released

Note that in the middle of the 8th inning, after David Price struck out JD Drew with the bases loaded, I actually made the promise to myself that if the red sox came back to win the game, I would become a Boston fan.

News update: They didn't!

Now you know

Time: 16 bitter, hatred-filled minutes
Miles: 762

So now, I hope, you all know why I hate the red sox as much as I do. There are so many, many, many things that I absolutely loathe about that team. Almost too many to enumerate, but here's a couple more reasons I hate postseason baseball (and by that I mean I love postseason baseball) with the red sox in it:

1. How Chip Carey (and really the rest of the broadcast crew) is so fucking far up Dustin Pedroia's ass, because he's such a gutty gritty grinder hustle never stops overcomes obstacles lots of fight in him white guy.
2. How Chip Carey (and really the rest of the broadcast crew) is so fucking far up the red sox's ass because of their never-say-die attitude and the "magic" of fenway park and how dirty all of their helmets are.
3. I hate how TBS absolutely loves immediately going to a shot of a dejected Tampa Bay fan as soon as anything goes wrong...it rubs salt in the wound kinda like how my girlfriend makes this "uh-oh..." sound under her breath when anything goes right for the sox. Love you!
4. I hate how Coco Crisp and Kevin Youklis and Pedroia and f*ing Jed Lowrie can foul off a million pitches until they get a pitch to hit.
5. I hate how rattled Dan Wheeler got in the 7th and that it just played into the red sox fans hand.
6. I really hate JD Drew's face.
7. I hate how David Ortiz, who couldn't hit the side of his face to slap himself in the first four games, suddenly shows up and hits the biggest homerun of the series so far.
8. I hate how Pedroia's hit to start the rally had to come with two strikes and two outs, thereby ensuring his "legendary" status in this "legendary" come-from-behind-against-all-odds win.
9. I hate that stupid Dirty Water song.
10. I hate Wally, the Green Monster.
11. I hate how I *knew* the red sox would eventually win this game, somehow, even in the first inning.
12. I hate it when I'm right about that.

In short, I hate the red sox because they are a really, really good team. They do the right things well. They make pitchers work and don't typically give cheap outs. They play good defense. They don't lie down, even down 7-0 in the 7th, facing elimination.

13. I hate that they just made me say that.

All of that being said, however, I still have to defer to Joe Posnanski - great journalist out in KC who has a fantastically awesome blog - to provide the summation of the game...PLEASE check it out.

Go Rays!1

Magic, Magic, Rays Magic!

There's something happening here...~!

Alright, enough with the corny ripoff of the Orioles Magic song from the 80's. Lets get down to the business of the fact that the Rays are not going to lay down, bite their pillow, and accept wuts cumming to them in this ALCS. I loved last night's game, and I love the fact that the red sox just might get beat by stinkin' Tampa Bay. However, as a devout Orioles fan, I have to accept this with more than just a little trepidation, as the ascendency of the Rays this year means that there is yet another strong team in the AL East. Why couldn't this have been the Nat's year?

But enough about me being selfish. Notes on last night's game:

- I think last night was the kind of game that baseball fans love and that non-baseball fans hate. I was literally on the edge of my seat almost the entire night. And rooting for Tampa Bay. /slaps self

- It is only a matter of time before David Ortiz starts hitting the ball like he can and not like the third grader he looks like right now. I can only hope that when that happens somehow Dustin Pedroia, Kevin Youklis, and Jason Bay have all been swallowed up by some sort of intra-space wormhole that prevents them from ever playing baseball, or existing in this realm again. Or that they stop hitting as well as they are. Whichever.

- Hilarious moment when Chip Carey mentioned that he wanted to see someone hit a home run into the Manta Ray tank out in left field. The camera showed a shot of the tank, and not only was no one anywhere near it, but it also appeared as though all the rays had gone home for the evening.

- I knew it was a bad idea to leave Chad Bradford out for a third inning. I mean, during his tenure as an Oriole, Perlozzo and Trembley would never let him throw more than about two pitches before taking him out for Jamie Walker, lest a left-hander come anywhere near home plate - at which point I had assumed that Bradford-1000 would self-destruct or enter anti-virus protection mode or something. Good to know I was right.

- I wish EA Sports would create and market a game that consisted of you, the batter, trying to do nothing but hit line drives straight at Jonathan Papelbon's arm. I would definitely download that torrent.

Time for a blueberry waffle or two. Go Rays!

/slaps self