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Dateline: Thursday, Dec. 19.

Boston -

9:58pm: Red Sox owner John Henry said:

"We met with Mr. Teixeira and were very much impressed with him. After hearing about his other offers, however, it seems clear that we are not going to be a factor."

Now obviously, as a massive, undying, through-and-through, dyed-in-the-red Orioles fan, I would love to see us obtain Mark Teixeira. It would not be the end of the world, however, if we did not end up getting him. All reports are pointing to the fact that he will most likely get an 8-year contract valued at about $22mm a year. That is a lot of dough for a long time. He is an amazing player and a perfect fit for the O's, but one player is not the answer, and we really need pitching. I think if the season were to start tomorrow, the O's rotation would be:

1. Jeremy Guthrie

2. Garrett Olsen?

3. The Oriole bird

4. Ernie Tyler

5. The re-assembled corpse of Hoyt Wilhelm

ANYway, the point is that while it would not be the end of the world if Tex didn't end up in Baltimore, it would be the end of the world if he were to end up with the red sox. To have to see that guy play against us day in and day out for the team I most despise would absolutely kill me.

But now, it looks like that won't happen! Happy x-mas to moi!

Except...this is Scott Boras that we're talking about, so who knows whether or not John Henry is bluffing in calling Boras' bluff. In all likelyhood, the sox have already signed him and they are just holding off on announcing it in some sadistic plot to allow the fans of shitbag teams like the O's and the Nationals to believe that there is a glimmer of hope in the massive black hole of despair that is Major League Baseball these days.

But of course, all of this information will change in about 15 minutes from now, so whatever.

We Have Been Released

Note that in the middle of the 8th inning, after David Price struck out JD Drew with the bases loaded, I actually made the promise to myself that if the red sox came back to win the game, I would become a Boston fan.

News update: They didn't!

Now you know

Time: 16 bitter, hatred-filled minutes
Miles: 762

So now, I hope, you all know why I hate the red sox as much as I do. There are so many, many, many things that I absolutely loathe about that team. Almost too many to enumerate, but here's a couple more reasons I hate postseason baseball (and by that I mean I love postseason baseball) with the red sox in it:

1. How Chip Carey (and really the rest of the broadcast crew) is so fucking far up Dustin Pedroia's ass, because he's such a gutty gritty grinder hustle never stops overcomes obstacles lots of fight in him white guy.
2. How Chip Carey (and really the rest of the broadcast crew) is so fucking far up the red sox's ass because of their never-say-die attitude and the "magic" of fenway park and how dirty all of their helmets are.
3. I hate how TBS absolutely loves immediately going to a shot of a dejected Tampa Bay fan as soon as anything goes wrong...it rubs salt in the wound kinda like how my girlfriend makes this "uh-oh..." sound under her breath when anything goes right for the sox. Love you!
4. I hate how Coco Crisp and Kevin Youklis and Pedroia and f*ing Jed Lowrie can foul off a million pitches until they get a pitch to hit.
5. I hate how rattled Dan Wheeler got in the 7th and that it just played into the red sox fans hand.
6. I really hate JD Drew's face.
7. I hate how David Ortiz, who couldn't hit the side of his face to slap himself in the first four games, suddenly shows up and hits the biggest homerun of the series so far.
8. I hate how Pedroia's hit to start the rally had to come with two strikes and two outs, thereby ensuring his "legendary" status in this "legendary" come-from-behind-against-all-odds win.
9. I hate that stupid Dirty Water song.
10. I hate Wally, the Green Monster.
11. I hate how I *knew* the red sox would eventually win this game, somehow, even in the first inning.
12. I hate it when I'm right about that.

In short, I hate the red sox because they are a really, really good team. They do the right things well. They make pitchers work and don't typically give cheap outs. They play good defense. They don't lie down, even down 7-0 in the 7th, facing elimination.

13. I hate that they just made me say that.

All of that being said, however, I still have to defer to Joe Posnanski - great journalist out in KC who has a fantastically awesome blog - to provide the summation of the game...PLEASE check it out.

Go Rays!1

Traitor!

Time: Like 10 minutes
Miles: 69,097

Okay, okay. Yeah, I took my car to work today, on a beautiful 70-degree October day. Its a little bit irritating that I couldn't take my scooter today, actually - the reason is that I have to go pick up my suit from the cleaners. You wouldn't think that such an insignificant task would have such a significant impact on my travel decisions for the day, but these are the things you have to think about when you take on the mantle of a scooter rider. Heavy is the head who wears the crown.

It also occurred to me how crazy I am: I actually got to work early today to a. update my blog, and b. play freaking Bridge on my computer. Yet again I prove the fact that I am a 75 year old woman in a 20-something man's body.

To my legions of fans: sorry about the lack of updates - I'll get back on it.

Go Rays! Beat Boston's sorry ass one more time in their home court and watch all the Joe bandwagon fans stop rooting for them!

Magic, Magic, Rays Magic!

There's something happening here...~!

Alright, enough with the corny ripoff of the Orioles Magic song from the 80's. Lets get down to the business of the fact that the Rays are not going to lay down, bite their pillow, and accept wuts cumming to them in this ALCS. I loved last night's game, and I love the fact that the red sox just might get beat by stinkin' Tampa Bay. However, as a devout Orioles fan, I have to accept this with more than just a little trepidation, as the ascendency of the Rays this year means that there is yet another strong team in the AL East. Why couldn't this have been the Nat's year?

But enough about me being selfish. Notes on last night's game:

- I think last night was the kind of game that baseball fans love and that non-baseball fans hate. I was literally on the edge of my seat almost the entire night. And rooting for Tampa Bay. /slaps self

- It is only a matter of time before David Ortiz starts hitting the ball like he can and not like the third grader he looks like right now. I can only hope that when that happens somehow Dustin Pedroia, Kevin Youklis, and Jason Bay have all been swallowed up by some sort of intra-space wormhole that prevents them from ever playing baseball, or existing in this realm again. Or that they stop hitting as well as they are. Whichever.

- Hilarious moment when Chip Carey mentioned that he wanted to see someone hit a home run into the Manta Ray tank out in left field. The camera showed a shot of the tank, and not only was no one anywhere near it, but it also appeared as though all the rays had gone home for the evening.

- I knew it was a bad idea to leave Chad Bradford out for a third inning. I mean, during his tenure as an Oriole, Perlozzo and Trembley would never let him throw more than about two pitches before taking him out for Jamie Walker, lest a left-hander come anywhere near home plate - at which point I had assumed that Bradford-1000 would self-destruct or enter anti-virus protection mode or something. Good to know I was right.

- I wish EA Sports would create and market a game that consisted of you, the batter, trying to do nothing but hit line drives straight at Jonathan Papelbon's arm. I would definitely download that torrent.

Time for a blueberry waffle or two. Go Rays!

/slaps self

Not Exactly What I Need Right Now

Time: Forgot to keep track, but I got to work before 8

Mileage: 682

Go Angels!  Ah?  Ah?  Anybody?  That game was fantastic last night, even though K-Rod's 9th inning...dramatics...drove me absolutely up the wall.  I mean, dude completely falls off the mound and crumples to the ground whenever he throws a breaking ball or his Fossum Flop or whatever got people out during the regular season.  Thats all well and good when he's striking people out, but when he can't finish the deal on an 0 and 2 count and stupid, stupid Kevin Youklis is battling it out with him, the whole falling down thing just looks dumb.

The most satisfying part of the evening, for me, was watching David Ortiz be pretty much useless all night long.  I can't tell you how many times that guy has broken my heart, and to see him whiff with a runner on in the 5th (or whenever) was the undisputed highlight of my Sunday. 

Sorry, babe.  Love you!

Anyway, onto the subject of the blog, which has to do with the health of my scooter.  It has an electric start, but lately when I hit it, instead of the starter catching and the thing roaring to life, I just hear the sound of what I assume to be the starter whirring.  And nothing happens.  And then I try again, and the same thing happens.  So the next part is that I try a whole bunch of variables out, such as rocking the scooter back and forth, holding the brakes tighter, revving the engine while I hit the starter, rocking the scooter back and forth, cursing, stopping, catching my breath, hitting it again, cursing, rocking the scooter back and forth...

And then it will just start.  I have no idea what is causing this, but it is irritating the shit out of me.  Also of note: it only does it when I try to start it cold.  If the engine is warm, it doesn't happen.

Well?  Anybody?  Suggestions?

I Can't Even Follow My Own Rules

Well, this certainly didn't take very long - a post not at all related to scooters or Baltimore or streets or anything that I said I'd talk about.

This is all about how frustrating the baseball post-season has been for me for the past couple of years. I'm sitting here watching the red sox lead the Angels 5-3 in the 7th inning in game 2. I know what will happen, though...even if the Angels manage a rally, fucking David Ortiz or that perdroida guy will put the sox back in the lead and then papelfuck will come out and do his little jig and the red sox will win again.

If its not the red sox, its the yankees. And what's more, baseball, the hideous bitch-goddess that it is, has gone so far as to not only torment me by having the red sox and the yankees always win, it sees to it that any team that I have so much as a minute rooting interest in will lose, in spectacular fashion.

The Cubs, this year.
The Angels, this year. (Admittedly, this is because they are pitted against the red sox again in the first round)
The Brewers, this year.
The Diamondbacks, last year.
The Twins, last year.
The Padres, last year.
The Mets, last year.

I will readily admit that the TBRays are an exception this year so far, but keep in mind that this is only the second game of the Divisional Series - they still have plenty of time to lose, eventually, to the red sox.

Oh yeah, and since I'm bitching about the post-season, Frank Caliendo has officially worn out his welcome. That McCain impression is fucking terrible.