Chips.

I like potato chips. A lot. I always have. I like the taste, their portability, their wide availability and low price, and the sensation of eating a crunchy chip. Its a good time all-around. But what I really like about chips the most is.......the seasoning on the chip.

Don't get me wrong, I like the flavor of fried potatos, but it is the crazy crap that they put on top that makes it for me. Sure, I'll eat a couple plain potato chips, but those rare occasions are typically reserved for backyard barbeques, parties, or church functions - anywhere where there's the ubiquitous bowl of chips next to the bowl of pretzels and jug of lemonade. But I would never just buy a bag of plain potato chips at the store to eat at home...I mean - look at all the options out there:

What proper American could look at all of those options and conclude, "You know what, I'm going to go with Lay's original (non-ruffled)"? If, and this is a big if, you were to simultaneously purchase one of those little sour cream and onion or nacho cheese chip dip cans to eat with your plain potato chips, I might let it slide, but those little things are expensive.

And unnecessary in this day and age. Chip manufacturers have realized that people my age buy a lot of chips, and we like the craziest damn flavors you can get. I mean, have you ever been to the Doritos website? How cool is that?

Taco and Ranch dressing?Why the hell not?

Bloody Mary?
No trans fat! Healthy!

I bet they would never make General Tso's flavor chips, he said haughtily.


BAM

These things are great...I've had all three of these chips, and they do not disappoint. Manufacturers seem to be latching on to the whole 'kettle cook'd' theme pioneered (at least in my mind) by Utz under the 'Grandma Utz' label. I happen to think this is a great development as I prefer my chips to be as thick and over-cooked as possible. Make 'em a half-inch thick and halfway burnt with the skin still on it, I say. And make them all like the ones at the bottom of the bag that have way too much seasoning on them. I'm not alone, right?

I do have to warn you about one recent new product now on the market - not really a chip, but the same concept...

The flavored pretzel chip. These guys caught my eye and piqued my interest, as I love the Snyders of Hanover's flavored pretzel pieces, but I would like them in a more manageable form. Don't be lured in by their Siren song. These things are horrible. The pretzel chip part is fine, but the flavoring literally tastes like gym socks or mildew or something else that's rotten. I mean disgusting. And thanks to the excessive amounts of seasoning they put on them, that lovely aftertaste stays with you all night long.

So chip wisely, my friends.

Prom, Part Deux

So tonight, I'm going back to prom. This will actually make my third trip (but I don't know what comes after Deux, so I had to lie in my title line. Trois? Is that it? Is that French?) to prom in my life. My friend Alex and his fiancee are having a prom-themed birthday tonight and, as such, I now have a chance to relive the glory days of high school all over again.

wait

No, high school pretty much sucked. And come to think of it, so did the two proms that I attended. Well, actually not the second one. I got to go with my girlfriend at the time, wear an ultra-cool white tux, and ride in a classic Rolls-Royce limo. So that was fun. But the first one was not as great. I can't remember where the hell we ate, I went with a girl who was very nice but not a great friend of mine, or even someone I hung out with, and to be honest I don't remember much other than that it was somewhere in Chambersburg.

Anyway, I'll try to make a better go at it this time. Pictures forthcoming. Honestly, I just like the fact that I have an excuse to wear a tux and go out to eat.

High School Coaches are Asses

In case you haven't seen this, apparently a High School women's basketball coach in Texas has been fired for allowing his team to beat a school of "handicapped" girls 100-0.

I have very mixed feelings about this...first of all, and lets get this out of the way: the school is not for "handicapped" girls, at least not in the physical sense. And really not in the psychological sense, either. It has garnered a reputation for being especially good at helping kids with learning disabilities, such as ADD or dyslexia. So any story that you read that tries to heap on the sympathy for these girls is, in my opinion, a load of shit. It is true that the team is winless this season, and has been for the last four seasons, but you can't blame only being able to take seven shots in an entire game on a reading disorder. Shit, Jim Abbott only had one arm and he pitched a no-hitter.

But all that aside, it is still a pretty fucked up case. My high school in Pennsylvania was just large enough to force us to play in a division that included larger schools from Harrisburg, York, Gettysburg, etc...teams that were much, much, much, much, much, much, much better than us. I think our football team won 3 games the entirety of my high school career. I played soccer, and we would routinely get beat 8 or 9 to 0. But I rarely felt as though the other team was running up the score. Sure, they would get excited that they were playing shitty little Waynesboro Area Senior High and would score a pantload in the first half, but then the coach would settle them down, put in their shitty players, and then they would continue scoring at a much reduced rate. We sucked, but we realized it was our own fault - not theirs for having a bit of fun at our expense.

But 100-0?

How do you play four quarters of basketball and not allow the other team to score one point, while you are scoring a ton (especially for women's basketball), and not realize that you may be putting the pressure on a bit too hard? I mean, when I used to play my little brother when I was in shape and he was still like 10 or something, he would still score a point or two to my 21. You really have to be putting the pressure on to have the other team not be able to put up one point in four quarters.

So, when I read that the fired coach is completely unapologetic, and claims that his girls were playing within the spirit of the game, I have to respectfully disagree. Most high school coaches were players themselves at one point...and a great majority of them were failed players at some point. Otherwise, they probably wouldn't be coaching at a girl's school in the middle of Texas. I understand that most of them take their coaching responsibilities a bit too seriously. But it takes a special kind of ass-hat to not think that putting that hard of a beating on another team is within the "spirit of the game".

I dunno. Women's basketball sucks anyway.

A-Broad

While the northeast remains locked in an icy kung-fu death grip, this blogger soldiers humbly on, giving you narrow and one-sided opinions about two-day old stories that really no one should care about: Joe Torre basically called A-Rod out on everything everyone pretty much assumed about him anyway.

Which really doesn't make it any less hilarious. You have to love it when something comes to light from a credible source that basically confirms all of your suspicions about someone. So Alex Rodriguez had an uncontrollable obsession with Derek Jeter. So he tried to act like he was the shit to get everyone to like him. So no one liked him because of it. So his teammates and manager thought he was a pretty boy. Should we really hold that against him, or mock him incessantly without being there or truly understanding his point of view?

Absolutely.

/holds it against him
/mocks him incessantly

8-o!

So I'm obviously pumped about the Orioles locking up our premier player, Nick Markakis, to a six-year contract with a no-trade clause that will keep him off the damn free agent market for three years after he's eligible. And he seems happy about it - he actually made the claim that he can't wait to settle down here and that the "direction of the organization" was a key factor in his decision.

Awesome.

And then I saw the picture of Nicky at the press conference:


How awesome is that? He looks like a smart Jewish guy from a 70's drug movie, or like he could be one of the Greek's men from Season 2 of the Wire. Gotta love having the balls to rock that look for the biggest moment of his career so far.

Gow Ows!

Finally

Okay, okay, I know its been a long time since I've posted anything. But there hasn't been anything newsworthy to write about, and you know that if there is one thing this blog is about, it is posting only newsworthy, worthwhile items that are interesting to a wide and general audience.

Hence, I thought that today I would share with you the recently-announced rosters for the Chinese-Taipei World Baseball Classic Team:

CHINESE TAIPEI
PITCHERS: Hung-Wen Chen, Chi-Hung Cheng, Kai-Wen Cheng, Chien-Ming Chiang, Chieh Hsiao, Yu-Chi Hsiao, Po-Hsuan Keng, Chen Lee, We-Hua Lee, Yu-Cheng Liao, Ko-Chien Lin, Po-Yu Lin, Yueh-Ping Lin, Cheng-Long Lo, Chia-Jen Lo, Ching Lung Lo, Fu-Te Ni, Chia-Chun Tang, Chin-Hui Tsao, Sung-Wei Tseng.

CATCHERS: Chih-Kang Kao, Yi-Feng Kuo, Kun-Sheng Lin, Cheng-Ta Wu.

INFIELDERS: Chih-Hsien Chiang, Chih-Hsiang Huang, Kuo-Ching Kao, Yen-Wen Kuo, Bing-Yen Lee, Han Lin, Yi-Chuan Lin, Cheng-Ming Peng, Shen-Wei Wang, Chun-Shou Yang.

OUTFIELDERS: Chih-Yao Chan, Chih-Yuan Chen, Szu-Chi Chou, Cheng-Wei Huang, Cheng-Wei Huang, Tai-Chi Kuo, Ying-Chieh Liao, Che-Hsuan Lin, Wei-Chu Lin, Kuo Hui Lo, Wu-Hsiung Pan, Chuan-Chia Wang.

I would have never thought that Bing-Yen Lee would agree to play this spring. What a bitch. Updates to follow.

Scotchy scotch scotch scotch

I have always enjoyed good single-malt scotch, but I don't get to enjoy it very often. This is mainly due to the facts that: a. scotch is expensive and b. I don't have any money. So when I received a gift certificate to the local nice wine/liquor store, I knew immediately that I was going to turn that into a pretty nice bottle of old, smokey, peaty goodness.

So I got a bottle of 12-year Bowmore Islay single malt (on account of the extra-peatyness) and have been slowly - very slowly - enjoying it. Its the nicest bottle of liquor that I've ever owned, and I intend to enjoy it to its fullest, dammit.

So of course, the next step is to hop on the intro-net and research what makes a good scotch, what to taste for, how to taste it correctly, etc. All of which eventually led me to this page: The Scotch Doc.

I love it. This is a perfect example of what most websites used to be in the heady early days of the web (I'm sure he hasn't updated it in over 7 years). There is the standard menu frame on the left, the standard shitty color scheme, the standard rambling on about onesself, and the standard shitty photos. The guy is an absolute riot because he takes himself wayyyyyyyyyy too seriously, and because he is a self-described "twentieth century Renaissance man", and "redneck Riverbottom Okie".

So you can explore yourself because the page will undoubtedly make you laugh more than I ever could, but there is one page that I do actually enjoy - the "Scotch Doc" method of tasting scotch. He goes into explicit detail on the techniques of drinking scotch, and also offers a commentary on not using scotch to get drunk. While I'm not completely with him on that particular salient point, he makes a lot of sense, and says it pretty poetically:

"An understanding of the Scotch Single Malt Whisky has been proven to enhance, not only the gastronomical experience, but also the self-discipline and respect for the qualities of this unique spirit. The greater the understanding the less the abuse of this mysterious and complex alcoholic beverage. Knowledge begets appreciation, which begets respect, which begets a natural temperance. I know of no true connoisseur of the Scotch Single Malt Whisky that uses it to intoxicate himself. Such an action is considered an abuse by the connoisseur and an insult to this noble spirit. There are certainly more economical alcoholic beverages that can accomplish the objective of becoming intoxicated equally as well."

Okay, okay, I'm with you...

"Finally, our politicians, social scientists and well-intended, but sometimes misguided, organized protestor groups have proven to us, over and over, that human integrity and self-discipline cannot be legislated or forced upon anyone. What, then, IS the answer? Perhaps it lies in the realm of education. Could the true and full understanding of related outcomes of irresponsible behavior be a substantial part of the answer? I think so. If not, what are the other options. I can think of none. Having witnessed the moral and physical destruction of beloved relatives due to the abuse of alcohol, I have undertaken the educational approach to this international problem. My motto, "The intelligent appreciation of the Scotch Single Malt Whisky," could apply to the use of all alcoholic beverages. I profess that the Scotch single malt makes a wonderful companion but a vicious master. I still believe in the validity of the ancient Roman term, "abusus non tollit usum," which translates, "Abuse is no argument against proper use." This is, also, the message of "The Scotch Doc." "

Pretty heady stuff there, but I do love the last quote: "Abuse is no argument against proper use." Man, the Romans kicked ass.